What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
