i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
