I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
