you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize