ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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