My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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