I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize