I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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