I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
