i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
