ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
