You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
