I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
