Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
