I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this boner is exhausting
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
