I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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