I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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