Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
