Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
