meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
