wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
