kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
