You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
