seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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