just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
