whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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