i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
