Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
