Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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