The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
