I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize