theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
