i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
