He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
