That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
