We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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