you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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