ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize