i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
