I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
