I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
