I want to walk on stilts...naked
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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