Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
