im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
