sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
