we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
