did you get engaged???
My room smells like vodka and shame
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
