were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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