i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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