my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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