drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
