I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
