New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
