You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
