I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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