I must be too annoying 4 u.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize