it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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