Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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