Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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