That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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