i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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