You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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