You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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