just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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