her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I party with great urgency now.
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