hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize