tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
