You can't special order awesome
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
