Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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