It's Friday. Sex?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
