Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
